Cooking, that is. I quit!
Tonight was the last straw. I thought - hmmmmm - I have a few hours, I think I will roast a dandy of a chicken and make a new vegetable (one that doesn't say Green Giant Steamers on it). So, I went to the store and purchased a fricking chicken. It was $11.00 - not that the price is important, BUT... Then, I spied a very fresh looking cauliflower thinking that Ralphy might like it, so what the heck. I saw a nice recipe in one of my Barefoot books for a cauliflower gratin and, with knife in hand, I began the preparation for the feast.
Oh, I forgot to tell you that while contemplating the big purchase I was practically hurling. You see, I am not a roasted chicken kind of a girl. I have flashbacks to when we used to raise the dirty things and "you mean I have to actually EAT this now?" Also, just thinking of sticking my lily white hands into the carcass of this lousy thing just turns my stomach. I am not joking here, girls.
Anyway, I cleaned the thing and got her all ready to go. I put some salt, pepper, garlic cloves in there. I parboiled the cauliflower and began to make the cheese sauce. I melted the creamy butter, heated the milk, and then I put the thickening flour into the milk instead of the butter. That was about my third mistake. I figured it probably wouldn't matter much and continued to stir the clumped, watery milk. I shredded the cheese (not the right one) and mixed it with the parmasean and put it in the water. Here is where I had to stand back. Now I have this clumpy, watery, cheese-smelling pissy water ready to go into the cauliflower that smells like you-know-what.
So - there I was. Chicken in the oven, cauliflower with the pissy water in the baking dish and we are ready to go!
GOOD GOD IN HEAVEN!!!!!!!!
I plated it up and we sat down to eat. Well - we kinda just looked at each other. Ralphy is a sweetheart and told me that it "wasn't that bad" and then we proceeded to quadruple bag the entire dinner and take it out to the garage. Thank God it will be freezing cold tonight so that we don't get rats coming around or something. Ralphy is going to "drop it off" tomorrow on the way to work. I am not to ask any questions.
So, my friends, I am really done. I will never, ever, ever buy another chicken again. Ever. Nor will I ever buy another one of those big white things.
Frozen and prepared foods are now my new best friends.
Have you had one of those Fiber One bars? Oh my God - DON'T! I had one for lunch two days ago and I am still not right. You absolutely cannot eat a Fiber One bar after the age of sixty. Trust me on this one.
Wait til tomorrow when I tell you about the two customers I had at Target........