This Christmas weekend (which included Christmas Eve, Christmas Day), I focused on the actual meaning of Christmas which is the day that Jesus was born. I made it a Holy celebration for me and it felt rather good. The regular trimmings and hoopla associated with Christmas were not there for me this year and that part really sucked. We had no decorations, no tree, no party, no one for dinner, no spirits, no special food, no family. It really sucked. We were trying to figure out when our family could ever come together for Christmas and the answer always ended up as "not a chance". It would be next to impossible to pull that off. I just have to resign myself to the dreary facts and know that our grandchildren will probably never come for Christmas.
So - next year I am going to have a Goddamn Christmas party.
Complete with a big lighted tree, music, lots of food and drink, decorations up the wazoo. We will invite our friends and neighbors and anyone else who wants to come. That should take some of the edge off and it will keep me busy. And - I will have someone in this house that appreciates my cooking.
That's another story. Do you know how frigging boring Ralphy is?? Can you even imagine this notion?? He doesn't like alot of foods because he has a "weak system". If I want to cook something really good that is going to take some time, he "doesn't want me in the kitchen so long". If I want to read at night instead of watch the 50th repeat of Seinfeld, he gets pissy. If I come back here to my little corner of our world and sit at the computer, I hear "Honnnnnnnnnn, what are you doing? I thought you wanted to watch TV?"
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH THE GODDAMN TELEVISION.
I do not say that, of course, because I try very hard not to curse in the house. I swear like a drunken sailor, but try to do it only in my head.
I have an entire 8 ft. closet full of stuff that I have been waiting for a chance to get it all ready for Ebay and try to get rid of it, all while having some fun with the bidding. He says "Are you sure you want to devote all that time to doing something like that?" What the hell else do I have to do? I have been reduced to making frozen quesadillas.
I hate this weather. I hate OHIO. I want to move to Memphis or somewhere that doesn't have harsh seasons. We love Atlanta. We could see our grandsons regularly. That would be in my dreams. It is so hot there that I would literally sweat to death. And, it's not even that it is so hot - it is SO hot for SO long! Impossible living conditions for me. I would love Baltimore where we could see our other three grandchildren. That would also be in my dreams. Ralphy would be like a fish out of water in Baltimore. There he really wouldn't know what the hell to do with himself. You see, I can keep busy every minute of every day. I love everything. I love cooking, washing windows (yes, you heard that right), knitting, computer, reading, book club, walking, hiking, having a fricking dog, everything you can think of - I like. Ralphy has no hobbies. He has me. Period.
OK - I have vented. I have failed to mention that I am spoiled beyond belief. I am denied nothing. I can buy what I want, go where I want. Truthfully, I have absolutely nothing to complain about. I can buy any electronic stuff I want, any clothes, crafts, books. Take any classes. Go out with friends. I am loved more than life itself. I am pampered to beat the band. I was just having a selfish couple of moments because I miss all the kids so much.
On a happy note, guess what?? I am now an OFFICIAL permanent part-time employee of Target. I received a letter in the mail telling me how much they enjoyed having me and that they would like me to stay on beyond the seasonal dates. I am to give my reply by January 2. We are very pleased. This is a good company to work for. I have to say that the folks are the nicest that I have ever dealt with.
Another over-the-moon happy note is: We are having a new baby!!!!!!! It is a boy and he will be our 4th grandson. He will be beautiful like his mother. He will have black shiny eyes and thick black hair and look just like his brother. His name is Mack. I have to wait til Feb. 11 to see him but that's OK. I want to see a little meat on him. I want to hold him up on my neck and smell his perfect little head. I want to see my son and his wife and their two boys in their beautiful home and totally in love with their little family. There is nothing like it, folks. Also, I get to play and run with my older grandson there and hug him half to death.
Then, in March, I get to fly to Baltimore to spend a few days with the others! I will faint with delight.
Also, my son-in-law will be home from Iraq in 29 more days. Count them with me. January 27 is the day that my daughter will have her husband back for good. This is his 4th and last trip to hell and back. He will be home and they can begin a wonderful story with their family.
GEEEZ - I guess I have talked myself right out of a sucky mood.
Thanks for listening, my good friends.